[Here is a talk I gave last week on a Confirmation Retreat about the Sacrament of Reconciliation]
So
tonight we have an opportunity to go to confession and receive the sacrament of
reconciliation. Now raise your hand if this makes any of you nervous? I totally
get the whole nervous thing. I mean we literally call what we are going to do
“Confession.” When I think of the word “Confession” my mind goes straight to
the whole dramatic Hollywood movie scene where you have the criminal in jail
locked up for questioning and the mean cop comes in and demands the person take
responsibility for the wrongs they have committed. Often times I think that’s how we look at
confession. We have to go to a room where a priest is waiting for us to confess
all the terrible things we have done and the sins that we’ve committed. So if
you look at it this way, confession can seem like a pretty scary thing.
For
a really long time that was my perception of confession and it scared me so
much that I never went. So a little bit about myself, I grew up Catholic, was
baptized as a baby like most of you and made my first confession when I was 7
and then received my first communion not too long after. My family wasn’t that
strong in their faith and so we went to church sometimes, but never on a
consistent basis. It wasn’t until I went to college that I really found my
faith and was introduced to Jesus. So I went to confession when I was 7 and
then I didn’t go again until I was 19 years old. It wasn’t because I didn’t
have the opportunity too, I was just too scared to go. I remember there were
times growing up where my grandma or my aunt invited me to go with them, but I
always found a way to get out of it.
When
I was younger I never went because I never thought I did anything bad enough to
need to seek forgiveness. I thought going to confession was something you did
only if you had done something really really bad and you didn’t want to go to
hell because of it. I remember telling my Grandma, “I don’t have to go to
confession, I haven’t done anything that bad.”
When I was a kid I hardly ever got in trouble, sure I fought with my
brother here and there, but I didn’t steal, I got good grades, I wasn’t a
bully, for the most part I was pretty well-behaved. I think the worst thing I
did was not clean my room. (Which I still struggle with by the way). So at the
time growing up going to confession just wasn’t all that pressing for me.
Then,
as I grew older I never wanted to go to confession, because I was too
embarrassed to go. I was worried that a priest would judge me for cheating on a
test or lying to my parents. I thought that since it had been so long since I
had gone, I would have to list every terrible thing that I had done, like every
time I fought with my brother or every time that I had lied, and so the list just seemed to long for me to
want to go. For a while I was ashamed to even go because I would think “What am
I gonna tell the priest when he asks ‘how long has it been since your last
confession?’” I mean who wants to say “Father forgive me for I have sinned, its
been 5 years since my last confession.” Ok well you laugh, but imagine saying
“it’s been 12 years.” Because that’s how long I waited to go.
But
eventually, I did make it to confession, and surprisingly it was not as bad as
I thought it would be. It was actually an amazing and liberating experience. So
when I was a sophomore in college I wanted to get confirmed since I didn’t do
it in high school. For those who don’t know I graduated from SDSU. (Aztec for
life!) When I was there I went to a Catholic church on campus called the Newman
Center. The Newman center offered confirmation classes and so one of the
requirements was we had to go on a retreat. It was there at the retreat that I
had my confession. Now the retreat that I went on was not a big as this one, um
actually there were only 3 participants who went and 8 leaders so it was a lot
different, but it was still beautiful. There were 5 girls in my confirmation
class, but somehow they all managed to get out the retreat, but I went. And let
me just tell that retreat was an amazing experience and completely changed my
life. It just really opened up my eyes to our catholic faith and it was there
that I learned that Jesus was someone I could have a relationship with, someone
who I could talk to everyday, and someone that I could become friends with.
Just
like this one at the retreat we had an opportunity to go to confession and I
remember that they didn’t actually call it confession instead they called it by
its actual name “The Sacrament of Reconciliation.” The priest Father Bruce when
he was explaining it said that reconciliation is where you come to God and ask
for his mercy. It’s not really about confessing every horrible thing you have
ever done in your life, but instead admitting the things that have kept you
away from God and saying that you don’t want those things to keep you away from
God anymore. He explained that when we
go to confess rather than say every bad thing we had done, instead just talk
about what is keeping you from being in union with God. Hearing it explained
this way really opened up my heart to the sacrament and gave me some relief
because I was worried that I was gonna have to list every terrible or mean
thing I had done in the last 12 years. Instead, I was given perspective and
rather than look at all the petty things I had done, instead I could focus on
the things keeping me apart from God. Like the things listed on the wall. For
me what kept me from God was my pride, or my lack of prayer, taking others for
granted, or missing Mass, it was my attitude and the way I lived my life.
So
when the time had come for Confession, I remember I was the first person to go.
Part of it was because I was so nervous I knew if I didn’t go first I wouldn’t
go at all. At the same time, I was
simply tired of not going and I knew that 12 years was far too long to wait.
When I went I talked to Father Bruce told him that it was only my second
confession, and I hadn’t been since I was a kid. Then I waited for him to scold
me for waiting so long, but instead he just looked at me and smiled and said
“The Lord is so happy that you are here right now.” Hearing that was all the
encouragement I needed to tell him my sins and my failures and ask for
forgiveness. It was like with one smile, God completely knocked down my wall
that I had been building for the last 12 years. We talked for a while, then he
gave me some words of encouragement and tips on how I could better devote my
life to God and sent me on my way. As I walked away to say my penance I
remember leaving and just filling such relief and freedom. I knew that I was
forgiven and loved by God, and I felt so silly for waiting so long to
experience that. The experience was just so much different than I thought it would
be. I mean I expected to be scolded or condemned, I thought I would be judged
or ridiculed but none of that was true. Instead I was offered mercy and peace,
I was met with a gentle spirit and a guiding hand. The experience really opened
my eyes to the abounding love and mercy of God.
When
we go to reconciliation we get to experience firsthand all the love and mercy
that God has to offer us. The priest who hears our confession, is a
representation of Jesus himself and is there waiting for us with open arms to
welcome us back into the Body of Christ. A sin is anything we do to separate
ourselves from God. When we sin we put up walls between us and God, but when we
go to Confession we have a chance to knock down those walls and move forward
away from the things that hurt our relationship with God. Confession doesn’t
have to be a scary daunting thing, rather it can be a beautiful thing that we
experience that offers us a clean slate and fresh start to be the people that
God created us to be. Often times, I think the hardest part about Confession,
is not telling someone our sins, but rather admitting to ourselves that we
aren’t as good of a person as we thought we were, admitting that we aren’t
perfect or are flawed in some way. It can be uncomfortable to examine your life
and look at your personal flaws or admit the things that you’ve done wrong, but
at the end of the day we are all in need of God’s love and mercy and we have
all sinned in one way or another.
So
tonight I invite each of you to open your heart to the Sacrament of
Reconciliation and take advantage of the Love and Mercy that God has to offer
you. Stop holding on to the sins that tear you down, but rather take a chance
to let them go and be liberated. Jesus died so that sin would no longer have
power over your life. It doesn’t matter what you have done in the past, tonight
you have a chance to let it all go and start over. That’s the beauty of
reconciliation, being able to have a clean slate and a second chance to do what
is right and live a life pleasing to God. I promise you that there is nothing
in your life that you have done in the past, that God won’t forgive you for,
all you have to do is ask for his forgiveness. Scripture tells us “If we
acknowledge our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and
cleanse us from every wrongdoing.” (1 John 1:9) The lord’s mercy and grace is
yours for the taking all you have to do is take it. So don’t be like me and
wait 12 years to experience God’s love and mercy take advantage of the
opportunity that is right here before you right now. It’s been 3 years since
that confession, and I have never regretted going for a second. In fact the
only thing I have regretted is not going sooner.
